Find Me
Anal Organization
Oldies But Goodies
More Stuff
Nonsense Notes
Whiskey Notes and Parachuting Fish
the ups-and-downs and sides-to-sides of the little things that make up life
I had a great conversation with a dear friend the other night about relationships. The conversation got me thinking, and I tweeted “I don’t want you to *need* me, I want you to *want* me. #deepthoughts.”
We read relationship articles and listen to significant others say, “I want you to need me.” In many long distance relationships, one of the challenges is one party feels the other is having “too much fun” without them. They fear that their life is complete. That by having too much fun, they are not needed by the other person. This thinking often causes a lot of rifes and stress. It often causes both parties to not live a full life; always worried that by doing so, they will hurt the other person’s feelings.
It reminds me of the age old saying, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” We all know the true meaning of that statement. A friend in need might be great today, but they will never be a true friend. They are only a friend until they no longer need something from you.
It reminded me that I never want to be in a relationship where I’m needed. I want to me in a relationship where I’m wanted. I want my other half (whomever that may be) to have a 100% full and satisfying life without me. I want them to love life, be passionate about the things they do and be fully functional when I’m not around, whether it’s a few hours or a few weeks. I want to be the cherry on top of someone’s life. I want to be a part of someone’s life because I’m wanted there, not because I’m needed.
The same can hold true for careers. I don’t necessarily want to be hired because I’m needed. I don’t want to be hired because the company is in such a state of disarray that they need a clean up crew. I want to be hired because the company thinks I’m the very best in my field, not because they need a bandaid to fix things.
When you’re entering into a relationship – friend, lover, business – make sure it’s because you’re wanted. Being needed is only going to get you only so (unsatisfyingly) far.
Leave a Reply